The Science of Becoming a Better Listener
In a world that emphasizes speaking, debating, and presenting, the act of listening is often overlooked. Schools teach reading and writing, public speaking courses focus on articulation, and leadership training promotes effective communication skills. But how often are we explicitly taught to listen? This lack of structured learning when it comes to listening leads to misunderstandings, weak relationships, and missed opportunities in both personal and professional life.
Listening is not a passive process; it is an active skill that requires effort, intention, and practice. By understanding the techniques and cognitive mechanisms behind good listening, we can improve our communication and deepen our relationships.
The Skills and Techniques of a Good Listener
Eliminate Distractions
Cognitive studies show that multitasking impairs our ability to listen effectively. The brain's prefrontal cortex can only focus on one complex task at a time. To be a better listener, put away your phone, close unrelated browser tabs, and maintain eye contact to demonstrate engagement.
Practice Reflective Listening
Reflective listening involves paraphrasing what the speaker has said to confirm understanding. This technique, commonly used in therapy and conflict resolution, ensures that both parties feel heard and understood. For example, if a friend shares their frustration about a tough day at work, responding with, "It sounds like you had a really overwhelming day and felt unappreciated," validates their feelings and encourages deeper conversation.
Use Nonverbal Cues
Research in social psychology indicates that over half of communication is nonverbal. Nodding, maintaining an open posture, and using facial expressions to match the tone of the conversation reinforce attentiveness and empathy.
Avoid Formulating a Response While Listening
A common pitfall in conversations is thinking about our reply while the other person is speaking. While it can be difficult to not formulate opinions right off the bat, neuroscientists have found that our brains process speech faster than the rate at which people talk, creating gaps where our minds wander. Instead of pre-planning a response, focus entirely on the speaker’s words and pause before replying to allow for genuine processing.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encouraging elaboration with questions like, "How did that make you feel?" or "What do you think you’ll do next?" deepens the conversation and demonstrates genuine curiosity. Studies show that people who ask follow-up questions are perceived as more likable and engaging in social interactions.
The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening is the practice of fully concentrating, understanding, and responding thoughtfully to the speaker. It requires presence, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness. The benefits of active listening extend beyond communication and have measurable impacts on relationships and mental well-being. Active listening is a key predictor of healthy, long-lasting relationships. Couples who practice active listening report higher levels of satisfaction and fewer conflicts. Similarly, friendships and professional relationships thrive when individuals feel truly heard and understood.
Despite being one of the most essential communication skills, listening is rarely taught or actively practiced. By eliminating distractions, practicing reflective listening, using nonverbal cues, resisting the urge to formulate responses prematurely, and asking open-ended questions, we can become better listeners. The impact of good listening reaches beyond communication—it strengthens relationships, builds trust, and enhances both personal and professional life.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202212/a-science-based-guide-to-becoming-an-amazing-listener
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-48087-000
https://www.globallisteningcentre.org/body-language-of-listeners/
Written by: Mahika